I don’t even know what that means. Financial stewardship. Whatever it is, I’m probably not very good at it. Hence why I joined a community group at my church on finances. We are reading The Blessed Life by Robert Morris. I haven’t started to read it yet, but I have a feeling that my mind will be reeling from it.
Money is stupid. It’s also awesome. But, mostly, it’s stupid. That’s just my opinion, but that opinion is based on financial need/stress that I have felt for a very long time. I grew up poor. We lived off of one income my entire life. My mom did really good job of not making me feel like I was poor. No, I didn’t get what I wanted all the time, but she spent quite a bit of her hard earned money on me. I do remember one Christmas opening up the one present that I got that year – a Barbie doll. I was very young, maybe four or five and I remember sitting on the heat register with my sister and my mom. I don’t know where the rest of the family was. I have a big family, too, so who knows where they were. But, what sticks out to me about that time is not the feeling of sadness, because there was a little bit, but that fact that she did what she could. I had my family. That was all that I really needed as a five year old.
Now, as an adult, I’m starting to wonder if I’m experiencing a little bit of what my parents went through for years. The question of, “How am I going to pay this bill?” “Where am I going to get the money from?”
I’ll be brutally honest here. I’m broke and I’m broken. Literally. I fractured my knee cap three weeks ago and I was off of work for those three weeks. I just went back yesterday, but I won’t be receiving a paycheck for another two weeks. My credit cards are almost maxed out, I got a bill in the mail yesterday for my health insurance that if I don’t pay tomorrow I will lose my coverage and I realized that I may not have enough money to get to work.
I keep thinking of ways that I can make money immediately and I can’t think of anything realistic because of my knee. My brace makes it very hard to walk and it is so tiresome to walk up and down the subway stairs. I want to take clothing to a consignment shop, but I can’t because of the knee and the fact that I don’t have to money to get there.
Breathe.
I think this is what they call “rock bottom.”
Meanwhile, I’m just going to pray. I’m going to trust that God is my provider. Now is probably a good time to start reading that book.
**UPDATE**
I called my Starbucks benefit center and we got everything straightened out. I do not have to pay the bill they sent me and I will not lose my health insurance. That is such a relief! So, now I can actually get to work and continue to pay my other bills. Praise!
EnjoyLife 